E47: A BDSM Couple Try Two Kinky Communication Exercises (With Sprinkles on Top book)

Chief and Moineau discuss Stephanie Goerlich's book 'With Sprinkles on Top' and the importance of communication in bridging the gap between kinky and vanilla partners.

We compare mental fantasies with real-world practicality (including threesome and more-some discussions!), as well as negotiating and compromising in relationships.

We then try out two exercises from the book - a mad-lib style desire sharing exercise, and one to gauge our comfort levels with erotic language.

If you're a kinky person looking for ways to improve your relationship and get more comfortable sharing your desires with a partner then this podcast is for you!

Resources:
Stephanie Goerlich's website: https://www.stefanigoerlich.com
The PDF of exercises: https://www.stefanigoerlich.com/negotiationwkshts.html
Our website: https://kinkyevents.co.uk

Timestamps:
00:00 Introduction
00:58 Kinky Statistics
02:28 Introducing the Book: With Sprinkles on Top
04:39 Exploring Kink and Communication
06:50 Personal Kink Experiences and Fantasies
10:01 Discussing Threesomes and Boundaries
24:06 Fantasy Worksheet Exercise
33:42 Exploring Desires and Fantasies
34:19 Power Dynamics and Control
35:24 Communication and Connection
37:05 Erotic Vocabulary Exercise

Chapters

• 0:00 S1E47 - Chief and Moineau Do Exercises from With Sprinkles on Top Book
• 0:58 Fun Fact: Kinky Statistics
• 2:28 Introducing the Book: With Sprinkles on Top
• 4:39 Exploring Kink and Communication
• 6:50 Personal Kink Experiences and Fantasies
• 10:01 Discussing Threesomes and Boundaries
• 24:06 Fantasy Worksheet Exercise
• 33:42 Exploring Desires and Fantasies
• 34:19 Power Dynamics and Control
• 35:24 Communication and Connection
• 37:05 Understanding Erotic Vocabulary
• 39:45 Exercises and Resources

Transcript

S1E47 - Chief and Moineau Do Exercises from With Sprinkles on Top Book 
 

[00:00:00] Welcome to this episode where myself, chief, and one O are going to be talking about Stephanie. Book with sprinkles on top. When you listen to this, you'll get some ideas for exercises that you can do with your partner or someone you're dating to improve your communication skills. And myself and Manu are going to do two of those exercises from the book. Now, this is a great book.  

It's really useful. If you're a kinky couple or you're your kinky and your partner's maybe Villa, and you're struggling to express your desires to your partner and you're feeling unfulfilled. These exercises we're going to do. We'll give you some insights into ways. You can communicate with your partner and make sure that your needs are being met.  

Please do give us a follow on Spotify or wherever you're listening to this. It really does help. We're so close to getting over 10,000 followers, which I know in the grand scheme of things doesn't sound like a lot, but for a small podcast like ours, it really encourages us to keep making the content.  

Anyway. On with the show. 

Fun Fact: Kinky Statistics 
 

 [00:01:00]  
 

Moineau: I have a fun fact for you.  

Chief: Do you?  

Moineau: I do indeed. I like a  

Chief: good fact.  

Moineau: Surveys show I don't know which surveys these are, but surveys,  

Show that somewhere between two to 8 percent of people, I don't know where these people are, I don't know if it's global. 

This is an American based book that I'm getting this information from two to 8 percent of people identify as kinky. That means that BDSM practitioners are about as common as redheads or people who are left handed, which is great.  

Chief: Why is that funny?  

Moineau: Because we are both redheads and you are left handed. 

So we, [00:02:00] like, what are the odds of that? So you have to, like, multiply. Well, 8  

Chief: squared. 1 in 8 squared. Yeah,  

Moineau: but like less. So like in terms of a decimal, you have to add zeros. Yeah, 1 like ultra rare. We're like the rare Pokemon that you get.  

Chief: 0. 064 percent  

Moineau: Alright, maths genius.  

Chief: That's probably completely wrong. 

I think it's that.  

Under 1%.  

Moineau: Anyway, I thought that was interesting.  

This little fun fact.  

Introducing the Book: With Sprinkles on Top 
 

Moineau: What is the  

Chief: book, by the way?  

Moineau: Is from the book by Stephanie Goylich, PhD, with sprinkles on top. 

Everything vanilla people and their kinky partners need to know to communicate, explore, and connect.  

Chief: Which you've been reading recently. Yeah,  

Moineau: yeah, I've, I've known about this book since before it was published. Published because I work with books and I, when I saw this, I was like, Ooh, put that in my basket and I did and I got it and Stephanie Gorelick is a is a sex therapist. 

She's been a a [00:03:00] social worker and then she's like a, she's a therapist anyways, but she works specifically with children. Kinky people now and kinky people and their partners. She's also the award winning author of the professional books, The Leather Couch and Kink Affirming Practice.  

Chief: So what's the tagline? 

Cause what's the book about?  

Moineau: The tagline of this one is everything vanilla people and their kinky partners need to know to communicate, explore, and connect. So this book is specifically geared towards. People who are in relationships, but where one partner is kinky and the other person is vanilla. Yes. So this book is not going to be one that I think is relevant to every one of our listeners, but I think a lot of, there's lots of value to be found in this book. 

There's an incredible list of bibliography at the end of each chapter with like more reading. She's done her research and I like how she goes [00:04:00] through. different subjects. And I've not read the whole book, but I think there's some really good valuable tips to, to explore, even if it's not relevant to a couple who are both kinky. 

It's not as relevant, but there are still really good exercises in here. And I think it's important to, to always be practicing communication tips. 

Don't you agree?  

Chief: Yeah. I mean, we say it all the time. Communication is the main thing that helps. Sex and relationships. So any, any sort of exercises or different styles of communication or tips that we learn it's good to know.  

Exploring Kink and Communication 
 

Moineau: So this is almost like a conflict resolution book. Like what happens all of a sudden you're vanilla and you've realized that, Oh, my partner's into some creepy shit and she talks about that. 

Like, what does it mean to be disgusted by someone's sexual fantasies? And like, can you get past guilt and shame if you have fantasies that other people would [00:05:00] consider abnormal? And what does the normal even mean? And can there be any resolution in a relationship when you realize that you have sexual desires that are not aligned? 

And is, is it because of like social conditioning, that you just automatically think that something's weird or gross or wrong, or potentially is it like, have you, have you actually ever thought about it for yourself? Like, maybe, maybe people who would consider themselves vanilla, bog standard in sexual practice and desires, maybe, maybe they, they are, could be a little bit more kinky than they realize if they find. 

Like if they start actually dissecting and not, not, not people or things, but like dissecting, dissecting their thought patterns, or if they're a surgeon and that's their kink. Well, that would be mixing professionalism and pleasure. And I think that's [00:06:00] probably not appropriate.  

Chief: So let me ask you a question. 

Have you ever experienced where you've shared a kink with someone and they have poo pooed it? 

Moineau: Was it a scat related kink? Wrong, wrong use of words.  

Chief: No, I chose them very carefully, those words.  

Moineau: Well,  

Chief: No. Do you have that saying in America?  

Moineau: What? You poo poo something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've noticed it sounds more cute and quaint when it comes from your accent. Considering that you're my only kinky partner, essentially, basically, that I've been with. 

No. Although, I, the caveat is that. I, I am self aware myself that I know that some of my fantasies when I'm reading Literatica or whatever are purely mental fantasies and nothing that I'd actually want to experience in real life.  

Personal Kink Experiences and Fantasies 
 

Moineau: So, even though we have both realized recently, like in one of the last later podcasts, that we both are kind of intrigued by the [00:07:00] idea of, you know, Pee play. 

Piss play. Or, specifically, you peeing on me. That's a  

Chief: Something we, we haven't We've, we've  

Moineau: done We've, we've experimented once when we were Neither of us were, were aroused. Basically we were just in the shower and then she had to go and so I knelt down and we tried No I didn't even kneel. You just peed on my, like, lower half of my legs and it just felt warm. 

So, but I am intrigued with the idea still. And I think, I think we could, we could play with that anyway. But apart from that, like, no  

Chief: friends, you, you mentioned it too. And they'd be like, Ooh, that's weird.  

Moineau: I mean, who? I don't have friends. I  

Chief: told your imaginary friends about it.  

Moineau: Well, they all, they all participate in my kink. 

So it's fine. Belinda, my imaginary friend. She  

Chief: loves being pissed on. That's where I got the idea. Belinda. Belinda and  

Moineau: her [00:08:00] blinks. Belinda blinks. Yeah. Now But sounding is one that I'm exactly seeing. Oh yeah,  

Chief: my instant reaction. I  

Moineau: know. And Do you  

Chief: want to explain what sounding is for people?  

Moineau: Sounding is inserting things into the urethra. 

Whether that be Of a man. Whether that be the male urethra or the female urethra. And my, my porn watching habits and, and reading habits have included both of those things. I don't know if it's the, I mean, if it was the fan fiction that led me on to it, I don't know.  

Chief: Do you want it to happen to you or? 

Moineau: Both. No, no, no. I really, mostly, mostly me actually, but, and not to you. I wouldn't want it to happen to you specifically. I've had it  

Chief: happen in a, cause when you get tested for an STD, an STD and the old, they don't often do it anymore. They swab inside. Yeah. It's like an upside down umbrella and they put it in and it hurts. 

Moineau: Yeah. But that would, I, but. Lots of things can hurt without the proper preparation, and you know can hurt without the proper preparation. Yeah,  

Chief: how do you prepare? How do you like prepare my [00:09:00] I wouldn't want to  

Moineau: sound you because I'm your sounding board. Because, because you're not my dom and it's very much like a subby thing, but I don't mind watching like gay Sounding. 

Did you want to sound someone else? No, I just like, I can put myself in the place of the, of the, the male. Like it's, it's like, I just, that it's, it's, it's intriguing, but I, of course wouldn't want that to happen in real life. And  

Chief: it's not, it's not something you'd want to do. It's a mental  

Moineau: fantasy. That's one. 

That's what I was preposing. So no, I've not had things before because it's because my mental fantasies that are more extreme. I know that because of either health or safety reasons, I wouldn't actually want to experience in real life. And sounding, I think, is the one that's the most, like, easy, you know, to say. 

I'm  

Chief: trying to think, is there anything that I like that I wouldn't want to happen in real life? Like, if I'm fantasizing about stuff. Like, you've  

Moineau: been, you've been pegged [00:10:00] before.  

Discussing Threesomes and Boundaries 
 

Chief: Yeah, but that's the opposite. I wouldn't want to do that anymore.  

Moineau: Yeah, so, anymore. I'm trying to think of  

Chief: anything I fantasize about that I wouldn't want to happen in real life. 

I don't think there's much.  

Moineau: Queening? Or like, being suffocated? I don't know. I'm trying to think about, like, what do men fantasize about? Yeah,  

Chief: I guess I don't watch, because I don't watch. Yeah,  

Moineau: I guess what it is, is that you're not reading enough. Kinky fiction. I don't read any. To like, like, I believe, tell, let me tell you, there's a world out there. 

Docking? If, if I, if I were a guy, or if I, if I had a penis. Mm. And I was participating in some gay sex, which I would, because it's, it's, it's a thing. It's hot. Then, then. Would  

Chief: you?  

Moineau: Yeah.  

Chief: So if you were a man, you'd be gay? But is that because you're a woman and you like men? Yeah, sure. Okay. But  

Moineau: it doesn't matter. 

I'd still like, if I, yeah, if, I'd, I'd, I'm, I'm sure I would. [00:11:00] Isn't docking. Yeah.  

Chief: Remind, like, I think I know what it is, but. It's,  

Moineau: it's, it's putting the, the penis within the, the foreskin or the head of, of another's penis.  

Chief: Okay. I'm thinking of something slightly different. Just  

Moineau: like  

Chief: I thought it was different. I thought. What  

Moineau: do you think docking is? Well, I thought space docking.  

Chief: Yeah.  

Moineau: Yeah.  

Chief: Was. I might have got this totally wrong. 

I'm gonna have to look it up. It's where one person is pooing and the other person puts their mouth around their anus. I'm gonna have to check it out. I know, but maybe  

Moineau: that's called space docking specifically. I'm thinking about just like docking.  

Chief: Docking. Ew, I would not,  

Moineau: I don't want, I mean, sorry. I know the whole like yuck your yum thing, but the corprophilias is something that I definitely do yuck. 

No, I'm wrong.  

Chief: You are right. Oh,  

Moineau: good. You  

Chief: are right.  

Moineau: I'm good.  

Chief: I just went somewhere deep in my mind. Refreshed fantasy. Do you have a fantasy that you  

Moineau: want to tell me about though?  

Chief: No, but I've just found a docking. Who's done it? Is it even possible? And if so, how does it feel? Ask gay bros [00:12:00] on Reddit.  

Moineau: Yeah.  

Chief: I don't see how that could work. 

Well, it couldn't work for me because I'm circumcised.  

Moineau: Well, exactly. I cannot, I can never dock  

Chief: anyone.  

Moineau: Yeah. I feel, I blame my parents. I will  

Chief: never be able to dock.  

Moineau: Sounds like something to go to therapy  

Chief: for. But you could dock me.  

Moineau: I cannot dock you.  

Chief: With your vagina.  

Moineau: I could dock you with my, well no because you're dockless. 

You don't have a dock.  

Chief: You can dock me.  

Moineau: I'm the spaceship, you're the dock. That's just, that's just, that's just penis and vagina penetrative sex. Yes,  

Chief: but we can call it docking and it sounds more whole. Sure,  

Moineau: I guess I can stick my finger in your ear and also call it docking. Yeah,  

Chief: I regularly dock myself. I dock my nose all the time. 

Moineau: Ew! And eat it.  

Chief: No, I don't go that far. That's disgusting. That's not my  

Moineau: kink. Okay, so anyway. Bogophilia. That's like, ew, gross. I [00:13:00] bet that's a thing. I don't, don't, don't research that. So the question  

Chief: was, yeah, any, any, Are there  

Moineau: any,  

Chief: any time you've been shamed for your kinks? No, the question was, Or told someone. 

Moineau: No, the question was, are there any kinks that You've told, and  

Chief: people have been like Oh, that  

Moineau: they've poo pooed. Yes, that's the term you used. Yeah, well, no. Because, apart from, like, I've been with you no  

Chief: we've established you've got no friends.  

Moineau: I have no friends, and you're open to most of the things that I'd want to actually do in real life, and all the other things I don't want to do in real life. 

Although, there I know that you have a slight hang up, I do see, and this is the thing, it's like, would I actually want this to happen in real life? Probably not because of my anxiety, but if I didn't have my crippling anxiety, then the whole idea of having multiple individuals with penises use me when you're at when you're like Guiding them because I'm your property [00:14:00] obviously and so I'm putting all of my trust into you And then you're just letting anyone Use me. 

I still find that intriguing. But actually in real life, probably not. I'd probably have a massive anxiety attack about it and there's no way that we'd even get that far.  

Chief: You would. We'd go  

Moineau: to dinner and then I'd just have to leave and be on the toilet, unfortunately. Because my anxiety is attached to my bowels. 

Chief: Yeah.  

Moineau: Ugh.  

Chief: Yeah.  

Moineau: That's it. So that's the one. Because I know that you haven't But that's not one that you've But, but I know that  

Chief: poohed that?  

Moineau: Well, you a little bit. Just because I know that you're less interested in the idea of sharing me with multiple men.  

Chief: It's more the fact that I don't get turned on by guys. 

Yeah. If it was like double penetration, I'd do that. But isn't it,  

Moineau: isn't it also, I mean, I'm, hey. I'm game in theory to double penetration.  

Chief: I know it's just not an anxiety, but  

Moineau: isn't, isn't it also an issue though, about having other, we've talked about this before. Mm-Hmm. , like having other people use me. [00:15:00] Like there's some, there's a possessiveness. 

Chief: I, yeah. I guess, I don't know because  

Moineau: we've not, we've done it.  

Chief: I think, I, I, I don't know. It's 'cause it doesn't, it doesn't turn me on the act of sharing. Mm. And so I'm not sure what I'd be getting out of it because the control aspect of it, of letting people use you isn't arousing enough  

Moineau: to  
 

Chief: me. It's not, it's not like superternal. 

Even  

Moineau: though like you're aroused generally by being in control in sex.  

Chief: Yeah, but it's different. It's different. Yeah, that's  

Moineau: fair. If  

Chief: it was women using you with a strap on, that'd be different because then I'd have something to sort of watch. See, and that would  

Moineau: turn me on less because, because, because it's the masculine. 

But, but I'm not opposed.  

Chief: In theory, I'm  

Moineau: not opposed to that.  

Chief: I wouldn't say no. If you wanted it, I'd do it because, you know, we've had threesomes where it's been with other women and That sounds like we've  

Moineau: been very adventurous. Our threesomes, I'd say, have [00:16:00] been we've had three threesomes. That's more, that's true. 

That's more than most. Have we had three?  

Chief: Yeah. Oh  

Moineau: yeah, we have had three. But, but I'd say it's like, when, when I think threesome, I think like fully involved and I say we've had threesome light, like threesome all lowercase hyphen L I T E T M.  

Chief: Subscript. Yeah. Yeah, I Subs Subscript. Haha. Yes. Because you're not That You're not really attracted to women, so you You You haven't really played with them. 

Moineau: I can be swayed. And actually, some of my porn watching habits lately have involved a bit more women. But I But as couples bringing in someone else, and I'm always imagining myself being the one Being brought in. Yeah.  

Chief: The reason I'm bringing it up, 'cause I can, I know, I can already know, some of the listeners will be thinking, oh, how, how what's the word? 

Moineau: De hippo hypocritical.  

Chief: hypocritical hippo. How hippo, how that's, I mean,  

Moineau: [00:17:00] Hippocrates.  

Chief: Hippocrates, exactly. That's where it came from. Not true. Exactly. Well, it's the same thing, right? Yeah, how hypocritical that you, we've had threesomes with women, but when I think about you with men, we've not done it or not tried. 

And it, it's because it's not, I don't think it's the sharing. It's just that it, it's not, I don't find, turn on the guys. As I said, if it was, if it was me and another guy. and double penetration that would be a turn on but multiple guys i'm like it doesn't really get me going  

Moineau: i can downgrade my fantasy to a double penetration six six as opposed to 12 i was never thinking 12 but i can downgrade it like  

Chief: yeah  

Moineau: i'd i'd actually probably have much less anxiety doing a double penetration but i just wanted to finish but yes my thought  

Chief: my thought process because i think a lot of people will think this and hypocritical i'm in two minds because we like the idea of a threesome, or I like it, you can still [00:18:00] say no, and we wouldn't do it, but if it turns you on enough because you enjoy me being dominant with someone else, then that's enough of a turn on to get you over the barrier. 

Yeah, I can co  

Moineau: op my own kink to make it more pleasing to myself. Yeah. And so that would be less pleasing generally.  

Chief: And so I'm trying to think in my head,  

Moineau: can you do the same? You  

Chief: know, if it was with six guys or whatever, can I do the same? Like at what? And for me, I think with one other guy, probably. Yeah. 

With two other guys, probably. I'm happy  

Moineau: to stop there. Yeah. Let's end  

Chief: it there. As long  

Moineau: as, as long as I like  

Chief: them, that's the tricky bit. I  

Moineau: have three holes. Triple penetration is a thing, you know, I think it's something that we could aspire to.  

Chief: Well, yes, but your anxiety will kick in. But it would never happen in real life. 

It would  

Moineau: never happen in real life, so it stays a fantasy.  

Although I will say like in our threesomes with other women, it's, it's not a turn on to me, really, you know, I'm able to co op my own thing, but it still turns [00:19:00] me on much less than just having sex with you. But I'm able to, you know, and it's not like I'm sacrificing myself or like doing something that I don't like just to please you. 

But I'm willing to put myself in an uncomfortable position. To see what happens because I want you to receive that pleasure Even if I don't have pleasure in the moment and and how is that much different than you know, giving you a massage where It's a lot of hard work for me. 

I'm not getting any pleasure out of it.  

Chief: I Feel like everyone listening is going to be like, Oh, what an, what an idiot chief is like he gets everything his own way. 

 But getting back to the point. Yes. So you're, you're so you're compromising that situation. And if I, if I know that you don't like threesomes, then I wouldn't do it again. 

Because I know it's a thing, but likewise, I would compromise if you said to me, if you didn't have anxiety and you were like, no, like this is a, this is an eight out of 10 fantasy for me to have three guys, I'd be like, yeah, let's give it a go.  

Moineau: It is an eight out of 10 fantasy for me. Is it? Well, [00:20:00] there we go. 

But I have anxiety. Right. So we need to work I get my  

Chief: phone.  

Moineau: Yeah. Should I just go randomly through my adjustment? However, the real issue here, the real issue here is that neither of us has friends. So I'm sorry.  

Chief: Yeah.  

Moineau: Sorry.  

Chief: Certainly not one that's a good friend. Exactly.  

Moineau: That's the, that's the thing. It always comes down to logistics. 

But then we try and go to  

Chief: munches and then we're like, oh, we don't want to go to munches And also, oh, we don't, we don't  

Moineau: like anyone there. Yeah. So, yeah. So, this is all fantasies. Because we're  

Chief: both not very sociable.  

Moineau: No.  
 

Chief: We're introverted. We know some couples who are very sociable.  

Moineau: They go out all the time. 

Yeah, but they  

Chief: also meet shit loads of people.  

Moineau: And they're always, and I'm, and then I'm like, ah, it must be so exhausting. Yeah, but not to them. We both say it. No, but I wish I was more like  

Chief: them because they they meet they've they've been with other couples multiple times. I think  

Moineau: I'm quite content  

Chief: I know you are  

Moineau: I know you're gonna get  

Chief: your fat and see otherwise,  

Moineau: but my fan i've got a mental imagination. 

That's very that's very vivid My dreams are incredibly vivid. So I don't really mind and then I read the books and I fiddle myself and then it that it's all good  

[00:21:00] yeah, anyway. So, sometimes So, we've got, we've  

Chief: come to the conclusion I am selfish. No. And I never listen to your thoughts and opinions.  

Moineau: No, this is, this is putting you in a poor light and I hope that none of the listeners are thinking that. I'm gonna  

Chief: get hate email now.  

Moineau: No! The thing is, this is all happening like because, because I actually, like, It's, it's all good. 

Chief: Yeah. I will say I have had a threesome with another guy, so anyone who's about to email going, Oh, you only want two, no, my partner in the past wanted it with another guy and I was like, fine, let's do it.  

Moineau: Yeah. I think you've, we've talked about it on a past episode a long time ago. Actually  

Chief: I've had two, two other guys, but one was like, I was just, I was just watching, not because I wanted to, but she wanted to. 

So I was like, yeah, off you go.  

Moineau: So what, is that cuckold, right?  

Chief: If you're interested in it, it would be called Cuckolding. Yeah, I wasn't getting turned on by it. So then it's not. No, I was just like, yeah, I was just  

Moineau: watching, like, all right, just waiting to get on with it. [00:22:00] Scrolling. Let me know when you're done. 

Yeah. It's not hypocritical because we're allowed to like different things and it's no judgment on yourself. And I think like, it's perfectly fine that you have fantasies that. Or I have fantasies that, that you don't feel comfortable and fulfilling, that's, that's okay, you know, I, I wouldn't want to force you into anything that you're uncomfortable with, generally, you know, like There's, boundaries are important to respect. And I think if you're trying to find some partner that will align 100 percent with all of your kinks, good luck, well done you, but the reality is that most relationships, you are going to have different sexual interests than your partner. 

Sometimes, it's very slight, and you're able to find so much crossover that it's not an issue. Other times, it's very, very vast, in [00:23:00] which case, You will have lots of issues, which conveniently brings us right back to the topic of this book, which is what happens if you have kinks that do not align with your partner because they don't have those kinks or they don't have any kinks. 

Chief: Is it the, the, the, is the book for people where they have a kink, but they haven't expressed it to their partner or they've expressed it and their partner said no? Either way. This is  

Moineau: either for or against. Vanilla people who have all of a sudden discovered that their partner is kinky and are freaking out or it's kinky people who have either just divulged or want to divulge to their vanilla partner and knowing that it might cause some conflict and where do we go from here? 

Chief: Great. And it's just a reminder for people who have for some reason  

Moineau: might forgot, not  

Chief: ramblings for the first 20 minutes.  

Moineau: With sprinkles on top by Stephanie Gorlich, PHD. Available  

Chief: at all good bookshops. And it's  

Moineau: from Sounds True, which is a brilliant publisher. So I do recommend.  

Yeah, so [00:24:00] back to the book now Obviously most of our kinks align. So what are we doing reading this book?  

Fantasy Worksheet Exercise 
 

Moineau: But I think there's something that we can learn within the book the first bit that we can learn right in the introduction is Stephanie Gorelick's definition of BDSM. 

Obviously, we have our own definition that we've said many times before, but I liked, she brought something new to the term that I was like, oh, I, I like, I like that sort of way, that way of saying it. So she suggests that BDSM has, you know, it has the triple acronym going on of the BDDSM, but She suggests that it's all about combining desires and boundaries within those acronyms. 

So bondage and discipline, this is a quote, bondage and discipline are best described as an exchange of control, dominance and submission, on the other hand, are an [00:25:00] exchange of authority and sadism and masochism. Is about giving and receiving sensation. So she breaks up the acronym into control, authority, and sensation, and playing with those within, in a relationship structure. 

I thought that was really intriguing and like, I guess the, the idea of control and authority could be really slight, like it's kind of like parsing hairs, but there is some difference there. If you think about like, control and bondage is all about restricting like physical. Movement and things like that. 

Whereas authority, it's, it's more like listening to rules and orders and commands. So you've got a slight difference there. Control isn't quite the same as authority. And then SM is all about sensations, which, yeah, that sounds about right. So what do you think? Do you like her? Her? Yeah, when you first  

Chief: read it to me, I thought, ooh, control and authority sound very similar. 

DS, Is [00:26:00] that not about control? But I, yeah, I, I see, obviously, you know, it's not exact, but yeah, I think it's She obviously  

Moineau: explains it way more.  

Chief: Yeah.  

Moineau: Anyway, so, apart from that, we're going to ignore most of this book because it doesn't really apply to us. And we're going to get to some fun exercises within it. 

Chief: We're not saying, we're not saying the book's bad. It's, we're not at all. We just don't have time to read it all. And  

Moineau: it's, yeah, so we're just picking out some good bits. And she has some. What's nice about this book is there are some like worksheet type bits within the book and There's one in particular that I want us to focus on and it's about fantasies And I want to focus on that one because we're all about communication over here And I think it's a good exercise that anyone could do whether you know about your partner's kinks or not. 

So Feel free to follow along Now she's essentially made this mad lib and it's called My Fantasy Fill In, and it follows, though, [00:27:00] the premise of collaborative communication, which follows the program that Rosenberg put up in nonviolent communication. So she's made a Mad Lib to help you think about your fantasies. And this Mad Lib you can do on your own. You can do it with your partner. 

You can fill it out separately and then compare and contrast. And even if it sounds quite prescriptive, like fill in the blank, I think it's a useful tool. Thinking tool, and then you could take out bits of it and use it and then apply it into dirty talk, into sexting. So it has lots of applications. 

Yeah. Sound good.  

Chief: Yeah.  

Moineau: Wanna, wanna now.  

Chief: I'm not very good at doing exercises when I can't see it written down. Now,  

Moineau: thankfully you've already filled yours out. In the past. 

Chief: All right. 

So yeah, I filled this out. I was doing it semi seriously cause I was, I was trying something else out. Here's what it is. 

So I will I will say which bits are filled in, right? [00:28:00] So when we have sex, I need. And then it's blank. How do I do this? So this thing,  

Cause they won't know what,  

Moineau: Just like say in a different accent,  

Chief: I would say in a French accent, when we have sex, I need to feel the house, sorry. Apologies to any French people. 

My focus, my focus tonight. Is on having an orgasm. Is or is not. You can blank out. Is on having an orgasm. I want to feel worshipped. And one of the best ways to get me there is to blank my blank and I put praise my cock.  

Moineau: Wait! I've come up with a solution. I read out the, and then you, you answer.  

Chief: That is much better than the French  

Moineau: I was enjoying it though. 

Chief: Okay.  

Moineau: Okay, sorry. Praise my cock. Do you want to praise to have someone praise your cock, okay. To say. [00:29:00]  

Chief: How much you want it.  

Moineau: To me, wow.  

Chief: Touching me.  

Moineau: I love the feel of.  

Chief: Your mouth and hands.  

Moineau: And would love to include that in our play together. When you.  

Chief: Suck my cock.  

Moineau: It makes me feel.  

Chief: Admired.  

Moineau: And I really want to be a part of that to be a part of our time together. 

On the other hand, I don't want to  

Chief: I put question mark because I couldn't think of anything.  

Moineau: Okay, because it makes me feel  

Chief: Boring.  

Moineau: Handsome because of the blank. And that's not what I want this time. I want you to know that when I watch you  

Chief: Being overpowered.  

Moineau: I get really  

Chief: Turned on.  

Moineau: And that is one of my favourite parts of being with you. 

I love seeing your  

Chief: Booty.  

Moineau: When we touch each other, and I really love your  

Chief: blank  

Moineau: in my blank. I was like,  

Chief: I'm not sure I want you to put anything in me say, yeah,  

Moineau: I came up with that's more for a woman. I came up with some options that I do think work for someone who doesn't like things in their orifices. 

And I thought like, I really love your moans [00:30:00] in my ear, for example, but anyway,  

Chief: your scent in the morning. Yes.  

Moineau: Yeah. Well, in my. Bed, bedroom, in sheets. Anyway, we'll continue. Sometimes I like to imagine  

Chief: another person joining in.  

Moineau: And I think it would be really hot if we could play around more with that idea together. 

When you call me  

Chief: daddy.  

Moineau: It feeds that fantasy for me and my body.  

Chief: To be admired and in charge.  

Moineau: I think it would be fun if you  

Chief: Straddled  

Moineau: Me on the  

Chief: Sofa  

Moineau: I really want you to be  

Chief: My little slut  

Moineau: With me, and afterward I want to  

Chief: Shower  

Moineau: While you  

Chief: Wash me  

Moineau: What do you think? Can I tent you tonight?  

Chief: Yes.  

Moineau: Yeah. So what do you think filling out the worksheet? 

Besides the things that you couldn't, like, that weren't I found it quite difficult.  

Chief: Because. Well, I did it when I was away, so it was more of an, it was an exercise. It was, it was, I was more doing it as an exercise. Of how I might fill it in and then I [00:31:00] could, I just couldn't think of the right words because some of the, it was difficult. 

The  

Moineau: structure of the was nothing actually I wanted to  

Chief: do at that time. Yeah. So I wasn't like turned on when I was writing it. So I think I need to wait until I am and then fill it in.  

Moineau: Mm  
 

Chief: hmm. I think.  

Moineau: That's, I think it would probably sound very different if you do it on different times. And she actually does suggest that there's. 

You can fill it out. You don't have to fill it out all at once. You can fill it out on different different days or at different times. You can fill it out when you're aroused or not. There's no right or wrong here. It's just a framework.  

Chief: I think the other thing was that nothing in here is surprising. 

And my, my tastes are pretty, not like, you know them. So you could probably guess what I was going to put in there. And so there wasn't like. It's not like I've got this kink that I'm struggling to talk to you about, and this would have helped if I did have that.  

Moineau: I still think it's very useful. [00:32:00] Hearing your answers back it reminded me when I was reading it, I was like, oh, I should praise your cock more. 

I know I do so in actions, you know, but it's like, but I'm like, are there ways that I could, I could show that more? Because I'd, I'd happily praise your cock, you know, that's. Yeah. So, so I can implement that more when, when we are together. So there are some things that, that, that I think are fun to, to think about and it's useful as a partner. 

I think this, this exercise is incredibly beneficial if you're struggling to say something out loud. Definitely. And if, if you, if you really want to tell your partner about something and you're struggling with the words, you're struggling with even the idea of how to formulate it, you could follow this. 

And, and have a nice conversation about it.  

Chief: Yeah, it's a good way to start this conversation. So, should  

Moineau: we roll reverse and I will fill [00:33:00] it out on the fly? Yeah,  

Chief: okay.  

Moineau: Okay, so here's the book. I have it. I have it. Yeah. I think. Alright. When we  

Chief: have sex, I need.  

Moineau: See, this is going to be tricky. It's difficult. When we have sex. 

Do you want to write,  

Chief: do you want to write it down? And then.  

Moineau: Oh, I think it's, it's fun to try to think about. I'll try to be quick. When we have sex, I need cared for.  

Chief: My focus tonight. Is or is not.  

Moineau: Is not on having an orgasm.  

Chief: I want to feel. 

Moineau: Overwhelmed.  

Chief: And one of the best ways to get me there is to.  

Moineau: Mm, 
 

Exploring Desires and Fantasies 
 

Moineau: tease.  

Chief: My.  

Moineau: Holes. That doesn't sound as sexy. Your  

Chief: holes, hole, hole holes.  

Moineau: My, my holes. To  

Chief: say.  

Moineau: Naughty words.  

Chief: To me while.  

Moineau: Overpowering me with your strength. [00:34:00]  

Chief: I love the feel of.  

Moineau: Your body pressing into me.  

Chief: And would love to include that in our play together. When you 

Moineau: Bury your head into my neck.  

Chief: It makes me feel  

Moineau: Carnal.  

Chief: And I really want that to be part of our time together.  

Power Dynamics and Control 
 

Chief: On the other hand, I don't want to 

Moineau: Ride your face.  

Chief: Because it makes me feel  

Moineau: Too in control and, and floundering and like a novice and I have no idea what I'm doing. And like, I couldn't just be all loosey goosey in the air like that. Can you imagine?  

Chief: And that's not what I want this time. I want you to know that when I watch you  

Moineau: Ooh, ooh I don't know, 

when I watch you 

flip me around  

Chief: I get really  

Moineau: Excited  

Chief: And that is one of my favourite parts of being with you I love seeing [00:35:00] your  

Moineau: Your, your face Sorry this is, that sounds so dismissive  

Chief: When we touch each other  

Moineau: Just  

Chief: your generic face. And I really love your,  

Moineau: your cock. In  

Chief: my  

Moineau: mouth. This is, that, that's prescriptive. Like obviously there are some things that are a fault. You should have said arse. Yeah, I, that too.  

Communication and Connection 
 

Chief: Sometimes I like to imagine. 

Moineau: Hmm, 
 

 Us in inappropriate situations following the ideas of consensual non consent  

Chief: and I think it would be really hot if we could play around more with that idea together. 

Moineau: I really like the naughty transgressive side of like, of you corrupting my innocence. Yeah, that's  

Chief: the desire, isn't it? Corruption of innocence, .  

Moineau: Yeah.  

Chief: When you call me?  

Moineau: Baby, or little girl, or little one.  

Chief: It feeds that fantasy for me and my body.  

Moineau: Drips. [00:36:00] It does. Co wakes, trembles, shakes.  

Chief: Okay. 

And I think it would be fun if you.  

Moineau: Wee on me.  

Chief: On the, hopefully not the sofa.  

Moineau: In the shower. 

Chief: In the shower. I really want you to be. 

Moineau: Aggressive.  

Chief: With me. And afterwards, I want to  

Moineau: Melt in your arms.  

Chief: While you  

Moineau: Hug me.  

Chief: What do you think? Can I tempt you tonight?  

Moineau: Go. What do you think? Any of that surprise you? Or any  

Chief: I wouldn't have, I wouldn't have Picked that you would say overwhelmed.  

Moineau: Mm.  
 

Chief: Kid  

Moineau: vocabulary word? 

Chief: Yes. I  

Moineau: wouldn't have picked that. You would have said adored,  

Chief: did I?  

Moineau: You, I think you were admired. Admired, admired. I  

Chief: think I've spoken about that on the podcast  

Moineau: and I think I've spoken about being overwhelmed, but it's funny the things that you kind of forget.  

Chief: Yeah. I, Roger put admired [00:37:00] twice in mind.  

Yeah. It's an interesting exercise. I think it does, it's a good reminder.  

Understanding Erotic Vocabulary 
 

Chief: If you are already in a DS relationship and you already have good communication, I think it's an, it's a good reminder of stuff you might've forgotten. It's also a good way to. If you're a dom and you're like, Ooh, what should I do in a scene? 

You can get your partner's fill one out and it gives you some great ideas. That's a great  

Moineau: blueprint, isn't it? Yeah. You don't have to come up with any, like if you're, if your creative juices are not flowing, you could just say, Hey, I have an assignment for you and all of your like little minded subs would absolutely lap that up. 

Chief: Yeah. I think as well, it doesn't. Because it doesn't focus on specific activities necessarily, or specific toys or ways of doing things. It encourages you to think about how you want to feel. And I mean, again, that's what I sort of talk about in my book, Sensational Scenes, which you can get at kinkyvents. 

co. uk. But it's about Not necessarily the things you [00:38:00] do. I mean, some of it describes things you do, but it also describes the way the other person wants to feel while you're doing them. Yeah. And how you want to feel. Yeah. And we've talked about that so many times because you've said you want to feel overwhelmed and I've said, I want to feel adored. 

There's a million things you could do to make the other person feel that way. And that's what I like about DS. You've got the freedom there. You've got the creative freedom to then play as the dominant with, okay, well, I know they like these 20 things. Cause they've said so on their sex menu. 

What. Which one of those am I going to use tonight? Which technique am I going to use to make them feel overwhelmed?  

Moineau: Yeah. And in the art of submission course, you have a whole bit about kind of like analyzing your sexual desires and really delving into what it is that, that really gets you going. Like what. 

What are those activities, but then what are those feelings behind those activities and on your site You have a guide as well to to your kinky desires And and can you can you analyze your porn watching habits or the [00:39:00] things that you fantasize about and you can can you pull out? the feelings behind all of those things? 

And is there a way to get that feeling met in alternative ways, which I think is a really interesting exercise to do, whether by yourself or with with a partner.  

Chief: Yeah, so shameless plug. If you are a submissive, and you've liked you like this kind of exercise, then there's a whole module on trying to understand Where your desires are, not necessarily where they come from, but what your desires are, what kind of things you like, how to keep yourself safe. 

The artist's mission is a course that goes into all of that. So it's great. If you're a beginner sub, you're just getting into this. You don't quite know how to meet the right person, how to vet doms, how to explain your desires to them, how to communicate, how to build scenes. It's all in there. And you can find that at kinkyvents. 

co. uk.  

Exercises and Resources 
 

Moineau: I'd like to thank you Chi for doing this podcast with me. I know that you were Are we done? We're done. We're not quite, you were, you were a bit anticipatory about, about this one because I don't have a structure that I'm following because ADHD, but but [00:40:00] I think it's a, I think it was a brilliant exercise and Stephanie Gorlick has a few other exercises in the book, this book that are also really intriguing. 

There's one about, there's a, there's a list of vocabulary, erotic vocabulary words and From a zero to 10 scale. Let's do it. Go down with, you don't want to do it now. Let's do it. But I should, before  

Chief: we do it, we're talking about her book and I want people to go and buy it. Cause it's great. But if you want a. Kind of digital version of it. Of course you can just write it out yourself and fill in the blanks, but if not you can find it, you can go to her website, I believe, which is,  

Moineau: A worksheet. 

Yes. Stephanie Gorlick. com. We'll write this down in the links in the description, obviously, but S T E F A N I G O E R L I C H. com. Go  

Chief: there. There's a PDF, which has quite a few of these exercises and it's completely free. All the  

Moineau: Yeah.  

Chief: Yeah. So you can do that.  

Moineau: Do check that out.  

Chief: Check that out.  

Moineau: Do you, so to finish off, do you want to go through an erotic vocabulary? Yeah, I want to  

Chief: rate how much I like the [00:41:00] word cock.  

Moineau: Yeah, exactly. So, I mean, if you thought that mad lip was tricky to figure out, words, words are hard and, and sexy words. It's not the only  

Chief: thing that's hard. 

Moineau: Sexy words are hard because I, I still feel uncomfortable sometimes. Like, I know on the podcast, I say cock and hole and, and vagina, I know, but like, sometimes it feels crass to me, you know, it  

Chief: can do yeah.  

Moineau: And, and it kind of, even as I say it, I kind of cringe. And this is me speaking as someone who co hosts a podcast about all of the things that we put into my butt, you know, like, I mean, amongst other subjects, but, but the language can still be a hold up and sexting we do to try to you. 

That's how we get around it most of the time is we're much more open over sexting because then you're not saying the words you're typing, [00:42:00] which feels better, but it's hard to say these words out loud. So the final activity then is erotic vocabulary list.  

Chief: Do I, can you read the instructions? Do I, do I vote for how sexy I think the word is or how difficult I find it saying? 

Okay, so there's  

Moineau: a couple of different ways to play. So, I'm, this is a quote from the book. Let's play a game right now and gauge the level of your own erotic vocabulary. Read the list of words below out loud, then write each one of them on a scale. So out loud, you have to read the word. Write each one of them on a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 indicates an extreme discomfort saying the word, and 10 represents total comfort. 

You can also use these insights to tailor how you discuss sex intimacy with others moving forward.  

Chief: Got it. So do I need the list?  

Moineau: I'll say the word. Yes. And I say the  

Chief: number  

Moineau: and I'll say my rating and then you say the word and you say your rating. 

Yeah. Sound good. Okay. Okay. And [00:43:00] 10 is being comfortable, very comfortable. And one is being uncomfortable. Uncomfortable. Breasts. 10.  

Chief: It's 7. Just cause it's very anatomical.  

Moineau: Yeah. It's not sexy. Because it's anatomical for me, I'm like, it's like a clinic, like I have, I can say breasts in the shop when I'm searching for bras. 

So I feel totally comfortable saying the word. But  

Chief: in dirty talk I'd feel, yeah.  

Moineau: But just the word itself.  

Chief: What I'm thinking about when I use it. What  

Moineau: would you say otherwise? Tits? Mmm. Yeah, I was thinking. I feel way less comfortable saying tits. Yeah, same, same, same. It sounds, you know. What, boobies? What, what else? 

Rack? Mammary glands. Yeah, what's the alternative? Milk puppies. If it's not breasts, it's either boobs or tits.  

Chief: Milk puppies. Milk puppies. Fun bags.  

Moineau: Okay. What would your alternative be? I don't know. In a sexy?  

Chief: I wouldn't say, I probably wouldn't say. I'd say nipples. I [00:44:00] concentrate on one area. Your areola. But if you're,  

Moineau: if you're grabbing, you know, like a  

Chief: Fistful of boob. 

Moineau: I  
 

Chief: don't know. I don't know. All  

Moineau: right. Penis.  

My rating for penis, I mean, it's, it's still anatomical, but saying it in like saying your penis or something like that, I'd say I'm obviously less comfortable with that. So I'll say, I'll say eight.  

Chief: Yeah. I'll say eight. Again, it's very anatomical. I'd never say it in dirty talk. 

Penis. Okay. I wouldn't, cause it's just so, it's so clinical. I want to put my penis in your vagina.  

Moineau: In certain role play scenarios. Very useful.  

Chief: Yes.  

Moineau: Vulva.  

Chief: Like if you're roleplaying Gage the Doctor, I've got a lump on my penis.  

Moineau: Yeah. Vulva. Already, and I know this, this is probably social conditioning, vulva for me is, is not a word that I like to say because it's just, it's just weird and, and it feels, [00:45:00] it feels like overly analyzed. 

And I know, I know that for the vulvas, the outside of the vagina or whatever, but like, You, you don't even learn the word vulva until late. Like little boys know that their penis is called a penis. A lot of times little girls don't know that their vulva is called a vulva until they go to like health or like sex ed. 

And that I think is within my own brain like vulva. I never said the word vulva as a child or as an adolescent because like I didn't even know the word. I didn't learn the word vulva until I was a teenager, you know? Yeah. So my comfort level of vulva, and using it in erotic vocabulary, nah, it's like a four. 

Chief: Yeah, I wouldn't use it, so vulva maybe for me is an eight, but I quite like the word.  

Moineau: Yeah, I, I like the sound of the word on the tongue. It's like  

Chief: Volvo. I [00:46:00] always think of Volvo.  

Moineau: Volvo. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's, it's actually, what's, what's annoying. It's nicer than vagina. It's a nice word. It is much nicer than vagina. 

Chief: Mmm.  

Moineau: Yeah.  

Anyways, next on the list is vagina. And I just have to say in terms of like words for anatomy, vagina is like, it's not a pleasant word. 

Chief: No.  

Moineau: It sounds harsh for what it is. Vulva actually sounds like what it is. Vulva sounds like a rose opening up, you know. It sounds like a petal, a flower, whatever. It sounds very soft, it sounds very inviting. Vagina. Yeah. Say it in an English accent.  

Chief: Vagina.  

Moineau: Yeah, it's just not.  

Chief: Some people call it Regina, which is quite close. 

I wouldn't like to call it  

Moineau: that. Yeah, some people call it vagina. Apologies for anyone. Virginia.  

Chief: Yeah. But, but vagina. Vagina is closer. It has that,  

Moineau: it has Ina. Ina is just not, it's not an attractive set of syllables.  

Chief: Vagina. Yeah. And not a Again, I wouldn't The only reason I'd be saying these is in [00:47:00] Dirty Talk, and so I wouldn't use the clinical names. 

Moineau: Yeah. But you do, I mean, yeah, which is why we default to pussy, which I don't think is any better, but I  

Chief: know some people will have a strong reaction. I prefer it.  

Moineau: The thing is, to Pissy or Cunt, I prefer Pissy because it has that feminine, like I can put it into the idea of corrupted innocence much more easily than Cunt. 

And since that's my schtick, schtick, then, then I prefer pussy. Pussy schtick. Yeah. You've got a pussy, pussy schtick. Anyway, vagina, my, my rating, I mean, Eight  

Chief: again  

Moineau: for me. Yeah, eight. Testicles. My comfort rating for testicles is, is nine. It's nine. It's just what they are. Yeah, I  

Chief: don't know. I, yeah. I thought these It's going to get,  

Moineau: it's going to get worse. 

I thought it'd  

Chief: be more slang words. It's going  

Moineau: to get worse. Okay.  

Chief: Well, should we speed up?  

Moineau: Yeah, yeah. But give it  

Chief: [00:48:00] Testicles.  

Moineau: Yeah. Balls. Say the I don't  

Chief: know. Eight. Okay. All of mine have been eight so far.  

Moineau: Yeah. Scrotum.  

Chief: Scrotum.  

Moineau: Eight. Eight. I mean, I feel comfortable saying scrotum. Yeah. Eight. Yeah. 

Princess. Princess. Princess. My comfort level is 10.  

Chief: Really?  

Moineau: Saying the word princess?  

Chief: Yeah, but it's not just saying the word, it's using it In an erotic  

Moineau: context, yeah, princesses is not as high on my list. I put  

Chief: it down just because a lot of like Eight.  

Moineau: No, yeah eight then, if we're thinking erotically. Anus.  

Chief: Anus.  

Moineau: Eight.  

Chief: Yeah.  

Moineau: Clitoris.  

Chief: Eight uranus.  

Moineau: Clitoris.  

Chief: Clitoris. Eight.  

Moineau: Yeah. Nipples!  

Chief: Nipples!  

Moineau: That's, that one's easier to say, I think. Nipples, I'll, I'll give that a, I'll give that a nine.  

Chief: Yeah, ten.  

Moineau: [00:49:00] Butt.  

Chief: Butt.  

Moineau: Ten. Orgasm. Ten.  

Chief: Orgasm, yeah, ten.  

Moineau: Cock.  

Chief: Ten. Cock. 

Moineau: And for me, saying it and thinking it are different, and I know I say it a lot, but it still it's, it's It's like a seven even when I ask you actually actually especially  

Chief: what was penis  

Moineau: especially like a an eight or a ten, especially if I ask you Like even I asked you this morning and even as I asked you then the hang up Of me asking you is that word? 

Daddy, may I suck your cock?  

Chief: But it's not cock on it's own then, it's the suck your cock is the Yeah,  

Moineau: but it's, yeah, yeah, but I mean, can I hold your cock? Like, like, asking for anything to do with your cock makes me feel What about  

Chief: scrotum? Hold your scrotum? How's that? That's  

Moineau: true. So scrotum goes down as well. 

But is it just the In my comfort level. But no, like, like, like it  

Chief: Is it not just the asking bit? [00:50:00] Maybe?  

Moineau: When else am I supposed to say cock? Oh, like, I love, I love, I love your cock in my ass. It's still, it's difficult to say, but it's, that's because I'm saying something that's really difficult to say anyways. 

Chief: Yeah, exactly. I don't think it's the word. I think it's the context.  

Moineau: Well then, yeah, I mean, cock, yeah, seven. Balls.  

Chief: Balls.  

Moineau: I'll also put that at a seven. Eight, actually. It's somehow it's easier to say balls. But like, suck your balls would probably bring it back down. Clit.  

Chief: Ten. Clit. Clit.  

Moineau: Ten. Come. You're so enthused. 

Yeah. Can I come? What's funny is, is that it's spelled C U M in here, and I know there's something like, I think there's a difference for me, like, mentally, like, intellectually, when I'm reading, when I'm reading Literatica, and if they spell C U M versus C O [00:51:00] M E, I'm I prefer when it's spelt like come as in, like, come here. 

Yeah. As opposed to come with a U. Because come with a U. Sounds more slang. It sounds more like vulgar somehow. Even though it's pronounced the exact same. Do they differentiate the between? But when I read it  

Chief: between the verb and the Yeah, but like,  

Moineau: like you can, you can noun come here and, and come on my cock. 

And if it's spelt the same, I prefer that to come here and come on my cock.  

Chief: What about come though to noun?  

Moineau: Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's,  

Chief: it should be either.  

Moineau: What do you mean? Huh?  

Chief: Because CUM,  

Moineau: it can only be. Can only be the noun.  

Chief: No. No.  

Moineau: No,  
 

Chief: to come is the verb. They're both, they both can be interchangeable.  

Moineau: Come is the, is the substance. 

No,  

Chief: it's, are you going to come?  

Moineau: Yeah, yeah. So I'm meaning, yeah. They both  

Chief: can be verbs or nouns.  

Moineau: Yeah. Okay, you're, I see what you mean. Yeah, no, I prefer when it's C O M E.  

Chief: Okay.  

Moineau: When it's C U M, it feels lesser quality. But it feels more,  

Chief: it feels more raw. It feels more  

Moineau: dodgy, dirty. Yeah. It also feels more, it feels more, It, it, it's usually a sign [00:52:00] of a poor rider on the Geronica. 

If someone's  

Chief: texted me that, I'd prefer the word come, I think.  

Moineau: But if I'm, if I'm coming, then I'm going to use come. But like, talking about your come specifically, then I guess I would say see you if I'm texting you. Oh, like,  

Chief: that's the thing. Your  

Moineau: comm is still sticky between my legs, although I wouldn't text you that, but  

Chief: yeah. 

Moineau: Anyway, semantics, literally balls. Oh wait, we did that one already. Whore. Yeah. I feel much less comfortable with that one. I'll put it at a, at a, at a, at a, at a, at a, at a, at a, at a, at a, at a, at a, Six.  

Chief: Yeah, I don't mind it. It's fine. Even,  

Moineau: even less actually.  

Chief: Nine, eight, nine.  

Moineau: No, that's that's going down my list actually. 

It, I'd say whore is a, is a three.  

Chief: This is going to be interesting. Slut.  

Moineau: Slut is, is much higher on my list, but whore is, is way low. I know. Yeah. I always  

Chief: find that bizarre.  

Moineau: It's context. It's semantics. Ass. Ass. Ten. Wet. [00:53:00]  

Chief: Wet.  

Moineau: Ten. Sex.  

Chief: Moist.  

Moineau: One.  

Chief: No one likes moist. I  

Moineau: don't care. This whole like, I know it's a meme, who the, who the flip cares about the word moist? 

Because it does, it  

Chief: does, it does, it's a bit cringey.  

Moineau: Moist sounds no different than vagina.  

Chief: It's a bit cringey.  

Moineau: Exactly. Just like vagina. So moist and cringey. No, it's  

Chief: definitely more cringey than that.  

Moineau: Moist. But you wouldn't. Like, if someone's moist I'm so moist. If someone's moist, they need to go to the doctor. 

Chief: No, it just means wet. If someone said But it's not the same. Oh, you're making me so moist. It's  

Moineau: not the same. Moist is like sweaty. Yeah, that's why people don't like it. Yeah, but it means the same thing, but I disagree what would be like dripping moist is like there's like Humidity yes coming out of your of your skin, but the people use it to mean wet gross Yeah, don't use the word moist like when my panties are moist. 

That's gross when my panties are West Wet, that's hot. Although neither [00:54:00] feel comfortable. 

Chief: See, I don't like the word panties.  

Moineau: I know. But it's quite an American word. It is, but it differentiates from your briefs or your boxers. But normally, typically I just say pants now. I do just say generally pants, even for my own, but if I'm wanting to emphasize the fact that it's my panties, yeah my undergarments are sodden with  

Chief: the fruit of my loins. 

When I see you and you're riding into town.  

Moineau: Oh, you should make that one as a fun, as a gag, Mad Lib. Add that to the list. Do like a like Victorian, Victorian style Mad Lib. That would be hilarious. Okay. Masturbation.  

Chief: Masturbation.  

Moineau: I mean, tend to say, but like, I wouldn't say it as like masturbate. Ma'am, sir. 

So ma'am is a, is a, is a no for me. I [00:55:00] don't, I, it's not attractive. Sir is still something that I don't feel incredibly comfortable with. I'm going to give that a five.  

Chief: Interesting. So yeah, fine.  

Moineau: Well like no, but I mean in an erotic like yeah, I prefer saying daddy to sir, sir, sir I'm being punished. Okay, maybe it's not a five, but it's a seven Want me to call you sir? 

Chief: No.  

Moineau: See? But  

Chief: I don't mind it. You can if you want.  

Moineau: I'd prefer calling you daddy. Tease.  

Chief: Tease.  

Moineau: Ten.  

Chief: Ten.  

Moineau: Because I like to be teased. Tingle.  

Chief: Tingle. Ten.  

Moineau: That's 11. That's a great word. Tingle. It's a, it's a fun word.  

When we're texting, I can't remember what it is that I say when when, when all of a sudden I'm, I'm starting to feel aroused and it's, it's like, I've lost it in my thoughts, but I know it's what I say when I'm starting to get tingly when I Squirmy. Squirmy! Squirmy, thank you. 

I say squirmy, like it's making me squirm, because it is. That's the sensation.  

Anyway. [00:56:00] Throb.  

Chief: Throb.  

Moineau: Throb. Ten. Throb's fun.  

Chief: Throb.  

Moineau: Throb. Ten. Does your cock throb? It  

Chief: does sometimes. Sometimes it's painful.  

Moineau: Ache.  

Chief: Ache. Ten.  

Moineau: Throb. Ten. Ten.  

Chief: Ten, although I think of toothache,  

Moineau: so. Naughty.  

Chief: Naughty.  

Moineau: Ten. Master. Mistress.  

Chief: Master, yeah.  

Moineau: Yeah. Eight. Dick. 

Chief: Dick.  

Moineau: Oh, I don't like that one. That one doesn't.  

Chief: No, don't use it. That's  

Moineau: not sexy. Dick isn't sexy. Come over here and ride my dick. Yeah, no thanks.  

Chief: Some people like it.  

Moineau: I know. Not me. Dick. I'm going to be a pillow. It can be, it can be alright. Like a four or five.  

Chief: Stick a dick in my ass.  

Moineau: Ride.  

Chief: Ride. You don't like riding. 

Moineau: But I like the word. Ten. I don't mind writing. You're teaching me. And I'm getting better at it. It's really exciting. You're coming on top. Yeah, each time. It's very [00:57:00] surprising. It causes a mess though, and a big ache. That's not purposeful. Does it make you tingle? Yeah. Little girl or boy?  

Chief: Yeah, fine.  

Moineau: Ten. Nine. 

Chief: Eight, nine, ten.  

Moineau: Even though my comfort thinking is higher. Slut.  

Chief: Slut's ten. We've done that one. Yeah,  

Moineau: No, but we had just talked about it when we were talking about whore. Yeah, I prefer slut eight.  

Chief: Mm.  

Moineau: Fuck.  

Chief: Fuck, ten.  

Moineau: Ten. Cunt.  

Chief: Cunt.  

Depends if the other person likes it or not.  

Moineau: Seven. It's not a  

Chief: If I know the other person likes it, it's a ten. 

I prefer  

Moineau: pussy, and pussy is on this list. Is it?  

Chief: Yeah, we did it.  

Moineau: No, we just talked about it ourselves. So. That's the exercise. Do check out Stephanie Gorelick's work in her book with sprinkles on top, everything vanilla people and their kinky partners need to know to communicate, explore, and connect. We'll link it all in the description. Any final words, chief?[00:58:00]  

All right. No,  

Chief: no final words.  

Moineau: How do we end this?  

Chief: I don't know.  

Moineau: Okay. Do you want do you want to go in the shower and wee on me?  

Chief: I do need a wee quite desperately. Okay, let's go then.  

Moineau: Bye.  

Chief: Bye. Lots of love and spanks. Oh, and check out kinkyvents. co. uk. Obviously. Bye. It devolved.